Apr. 30th, 2021 at 7:25 PM
OPEN POST ▪ PIC PROMPTS ✔ ▪ BODY HEAT/SNOWED IN ✔ ▪
HURT/COMFORT ✔ ▪ WORD ASSOCIATION ✔ ▪ SMUT ✔ ▪
TEXTING ✔ ▪
RANDOM STARTERS ✔ ▪
BLUE SHIRT APPRECIATION ✔
BUCKETHEAD.
March 2023
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I'm sorry. I sh-shouldn't have...
[She would understand if he didn't want to answer. It wasn't like there was a formal arrangement or anything. In some strange way she might've unintentionally thought getting the hard questions out of the way was better. Now she doubts.
She's actually avoiding his gaze as well in this moment. If she rests her gaze on anything, it's his dogtags.
His answer comes and...a very very tiny part of her hates her empathetic nature. There's pain in the subtext of his words. Trauma and loss in the absences.]
...I wish I had something profound or comforting to say, but I don't. And just saying 'That sucks' seems almost as insensitive as me asking the question in the first place.
[She sighs, breath exhaling against his chest as she sits up slightly. She looks at him and now they're approximately at the same eye level. Even if he's not meeting her gaze she speaks.]
I'm sorry, Bucky. I should've asked some other time. But...it was very brave of you to still answer. And I don't want to hear you arguing that adjective choice.
I'll stick to stupid questions like sex fantasies or something. I don't want to be someone who made your pain their playground. You've...had too many of those already. I'm sorry.
[She leans in to kiss his right cheek]
Edited 2021-06-07 11:59 am (UTC)
he looks at her and lifts his shoulder gently, mindful that she's there. it's his attempt at a nudge. ]
I don't answer questions I don't want to. It's fine.
[ these days, bucky doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. it's one of the benefits of being free. it's one of the only things he knows how to do as someone who is free. the rest… it's all up in the air. ]
I get that, but...
[Fine? She's said 'it's fine' plenty of times in her life when things were not, either to make someone else feel better or to move past an unpleasant moment.]
That doesn't mean it's easy for you. There are certain things I will probably never ask you about because I don't want to poke at a, a metaphorical scar and then realize I've disrupted a scab.
[The War Stuff for instance.
Man, she was never this good at figurative language in secondary school - Dad if you could see her now. Well, not literally right now - in bed next to a shirtless man with an arm of metal? - On second thought, stay resting in peace.]
Your arm's just sort of been this gray area for me, of Okay/Not Okay. Sometimes I need things a little spelled out for me so I can act appropriately.
I certainly don't want to ignore it, but I also don't want you thinking I find your arm more interesting than the rest of you.
I'm only interested because it's yours.
Edited (Enter too early) 2021-06-08 10:02 pm (UTC)
it's easy to sidestep her confession that her interest in his arm is solely because of him. it's a little too big—and something that bucky feels like he's not deserving of. bucky barnes isn't as interesting (or confident) as he once was… pre-steve taking the serum, at least. turns out, a man who's one hundred and six has his own insecurity issues.
his brows furrow, ] What kind of things did you want to ask me about?
[ he imagines there's a chance he'll grow a little unsettled, but he figures there's no harm in asking.]
MOLLY TEAL DEER TIME
Molly idly traces patterns on his skin - is he ticklish? Probably not - while she speaks.]
Well...mostly I just want to ask questions to find out what things are important to you. I guess I...feel like you know a lot more about me than the reverse. About like...personal details. Not the stuff people put in an obituary.
[Shrug. She'll start listing some things from memory, though a couple she's a bit vague about.]
I'd like to know more about Wakanda. What growing up was like for you. Couple of questions about education back then compared to now. Childhood dreams. Favorite book. When'd you realize you loved dancing. Have you ever been in love.
B-But I...don't want to ask you about war stuff. If there's things you want to share, I'll gladly listen. I just don't want to go digging because...because there's obviously a lot of big things tied up in that for you. And, well...look you know I'm not a therapist, I'm not even a doctor who works with living people, but obviously you've had to be a soldier for a long time. Including times you didn't want to.
[Okay veering close to certain things, possible danger, back off the specifics.]
Wh-What I'm trying to get at is, it's a little similar to your arm. Okay, it's something people recognize you with. But it has a lot more meaning than just that for you. And while I want to try and understand things through your eyes, it's very possible that I'll never truly 'get it'.
So...even if it's just when we're laying here together, I don't want you to think you're defined by it. I get in bed with James Bucky Barnes because I enjoy being around him. I don't give a shit about your rank or weapons proficiency or whatever stats would go on a trading card.
[It's arguably the most affectionate way 'I don't give a shit' can be stated.]
Er, but since it's related and they're literally right in front of me, I do have one teeny tiny World War II curiosity.
A-Are these your original dogtags or were they re-issued?
[Surely that one couldn't be pain-inducing? Well, she hoped.]
but combine that with a poor self-view and he's a little surprised that someone could have more than two questions about him. ]
Steve had them remade.
[ taking his dog tags between his fingers, he lets out a small exhale. ]
I was wearing my original tags when I fell. Hydra most likely took them and probably destroyed them. I never got them back.
[ best way to ensure their memory wiping worked: remove everything that could trigger his memories. ]
[Well, she had hoped and she'd been wrong. She listens, then after a moment gently rests her hand alongside his which is holding his dog tags. A very light touch, hoping to offer some sort of comfort, though she feels like she'll mess that up, too.]
I'm sorry they took so much from you, Bucky. I really am. [She hopes he doesn't tell her not to apologize for it] ...I can still be sorry that something happened, even if I had nothing to do with it.
[She's quiet for a moment, wondering if she ought to say what's on her mind.] They didn't destroy you, though. In the end. You're still here and they're not.
[She wonders if Steve Rogers had been trying to tell him that. But she's not going to speculate this time; the only one in this bed who knows Steve Rogers is the man with the remade dog tags]
he does swallow the "why are you saying sorry?" as she's accurately read his mind. he pulls a smile and makes a small noise in the back of his throat—something that's more dismissive of himself than anything else. ] I don't know about that.
[ that's not fair to himself and he knows it. a ripped apart house can be rebuilt, all it takes is time. ]
Ask me something else. [ this time when he smiles all close-lipped, it's not overly forced. ] You've got a couple of questions left before I take over as the questioner again.
[She glances up at him. She means that. Maybe more than he wants to hear. But it's there.]
...Okay. If you say so.
[She seriously considers throwing him a hard question of a different tone, but she opts for a softer toss.]
What was it like living in Wakanda?