Apr. 30th, 2021 at 7:25 PM
OPEN POST ▪ PIC PROMPTS ✔ ▪ BODY HEAT/SNOWED IN ✔ ▪
HURT/COMFORT ✔ ▪ WORD ASSOCIATION ✔ ▪ SMUT ✔ ▪
TEXTING ✔ ▪
RANDOM STARTERS ✔ ▪
BLUE SHIRT APPRECIATION ✔
BUCKETHEAD.
March 2023
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Has she got a thing for art history?
Sorry, I realize I sound like a nutter. It um... well it reminds me of something. There's some...art technique in the East, that involves mending broken pottery with gold. But, y'know, liquid until it hardens. Lacquer! I think that's also an option.
[Molly idly walked her fingertips onto his left hand and then arm as it rested on his chest.]
It's about imperfection being beautiful. Finding a positive within the negative.
[Of course she can't for the life of her remember what it's called.]
Maybe I'm making connections where there are none, but..
[She thinks it's fitting. But she shrugs, trying to be nonchalant.]
..it's a nice thought.
[She gets rather quiet, her eyes focusing on the gold that enhances the look of the vibranium. Her mind wanders.]
Does it hurt?
[She blinks.]
I-I mean...I know you just said the old one was heavy, but... do you feel pain through it?
[She has a scientific curiosity about the logistics of his arm, but her exposure to information about vibranium is extremely limited. And scientific curiosity does not outweigh the Bucky interest.]
Edited 2021-06-07 05:58 am (UTC)
[ it's a practice he remembers hearing from shuri herself and even nakajima. bucky isn't entirely sure if he'd consider himself broken or even fixed. he's not deserving of gold. he's simply a man misplaced in time given a second chance at living a life he oftentimes doesn't think he deserves to live. his arm represents more than the broken pieces being put together. sometimes, he wishes it was as simple as that. ]
It's pretty light.
[ incredibly, sometimes even strangely light. in comparison to the arm he'd been lugging around for eight decades, he looks back in hindsight and wonders if that arm had been heavy with the purpose of passively torturing him. he was still an allied soldier. never would he put that past zola.
he looks straight ahead and shrugs. ]
I don't feel everything I feel with my right hand. I'm pretty sure that's something Shuri's working on. It's very… [ his brows furrow as he looks at his metal hand. ] faint.
[ but not entirely empty. it's functional enough to use as a weapon and as an arm. ]
[His answer about sensation in his left hand surprises her]
Oh! That's...that's amazing! I didn't know that was possible.
[She looks up at him and sees the state of his brow. She opens her mouth, then closes it. Instead of walking her fingers along his arm, she stops and just rests her hand on top of his.]
Just a reminder you can totally tell me to shut up and go to sleep at any point. But... here's my big question. After this it's back to be being your questions.
Does having the arm bother you? That's what I've always wanted to know. Whether you view it as part of you or if it's just a tool.
Edited 2021-06-07 10:23 am (UTC)
[ and it's meant to be a small tangent, one he doubts she'll latch onto. but this is something he wants to use to buy himself some time. if he doesn't answer or changes the subject completely, he knows she'll read into it. he presumes it's a skill someone who works with dead bodies needs to have.
glancing at her from the corner of his eye, he keeps his gaze away from hers. he sighs softly, looking down at his hand. flexing his metal fingers, he feels how loaded and heavy and even sharp his answer is in the palm of his hand.
quietly, ] Yeah. It bothers me. [ he nods, then licks his lips. stills his hand. ] The old arm… it bothered me a lot. It wasn't my arm; it was something else's.
[ hydra's fist. in hindsight, bucky wonders if he had subconsciously manoeuvred stark into blasting it off. ]
Sometimes it's just a reminder of everything that's changed. [ or was taken from him, but he thinks that "changed" is a better word. softens the blow. makes him seem less bitter. ]
I'm sorry. I sh-shouldn't have...
[She would understand if he didn't want to answer. It wasn't like there was a formal arrangement or anything. In some strange way she might've unintentionally thought getting the hard questions out of the way was better. Now she doubts.
She's actually avoiding his gaze as well in this moment. If she rests her gaze on anything, it's his dogtags.
His answer comes and...a very very tiny part of her hates her empathetic nature. There's pain in the subtext of his words. Trauma and loss in the absences.]
...I wish I had something profound or comforting to say, but I don't. And just saying 'That sucks' seems almost as insensitive as me asking the question in the first place.
[She sighs, breath exhaling against his chest as she sits up slightly. She looks at him and now they're approximately at the same eye level. Even if he's not meeting her gaze she speaks.]
I'm sorry, Bucky. I should've asked some other time. But...it was very brave of you to still answer. And I don't want to hear you arguing that adjective choice.
I'll stick to stupid questions like sex fantasies or something. I don't want to be someone who made your pain their playground. You've...had too many of those already. I'm sorry.
[She leans in to kiss his right cheek]
Edited 2021-06-07 11:59 am (UTC)
he looks at her and lifts his shoulder gently, mindful that she's there. it's his attempt at a nudge. ]
I don't answer questions I don't want to. It's fine.
[ these days, bucky doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. it's one of the benefits of being free. it's one of the only things he knows how to do as someone who is free. the rest… it's all up in the air. ]
I get that, but...
[Fine? She's said 'it's fine' plenty of times in her life when things were not, either to make someone else feel better or to move past an unpleasant moment.]
That doesn't mean it's easy for you. There are certain things I will probably never ask you about because I don't want to poke at a, a metaphorical scar and then realize I've disrupted a scab.
[The War Stuff for instance.
Man, she was never this good at figurative language in secondary school - Dad if you could see her now. Well, not literally right now - in bed next to a shirtless man with an arm of metal? - On second thought, stay resting in peace.]
Your arm's just sort of been this gray area for me, of Okay/Not Okay. Sometimes I need things a little spelled out for me so I can act appropriately.
I certainly don't want to ignore it, but I also don't want you thinking I find your arm more interesting than the rest of you.
I'm only interested because it's yours.
Edited (Enter too early) 2021-06-08 10:02 pm (UTC)
it's easy to sidestep her confession that her interest in his arm is solely because of him. it's a little too big—and something that bucky feels like he's not deserving of. bucky barnes isn't as interesting (or confident) as he once was… pre-steve taking the serum, at least. turns out, a man who's one hundred and six has his own insecurity issues.
his brows furrow, ] What kind of things did you want to ask me about?
[ he imagines there's a chance he'll grow a little unsettled, but he figures there's no harm in asking.]
MOLLY TEAL DEER TIME
Molly idly traces patterns on his skin - is he ticklish? Probably not - while she speaks.]
Well...mostly I just want to ask questions to find out what things are important to you. I guess I...feel like you know a lot more about me than the reverse. About like...personal details. Not the stuff people put in an obituary.
[Shrug. She'll start listing some things from memory, though a couple she's a bit vague about.]
I'd like to know more about Wakanda. What growing up was like for you. Couple of questions about education back then compared to now. Childhood dreams. Favorite book. When'd you realize you loved dancing. Have you ever been in love.
B-But I...don't want to ask you about war stuff. If there's things you want to share, I'll gladly listen. I just don't want to go digging because...because there's obviously a lot of big things tied up in that for you. And, well...look you know I'm not a therapist, I'm not even a doctor who works with living people, but obviously you've had to be a soldier for a long time. Including times you didn't want to.
[Okay veering close to certain things, possible danger, back off the specifics.]
Wh-What I'm trying to get at is, it's a little similar to your arm. Okay, it's something people recognize you with. But it has a lot more meaning than just that for you. And while I want to try and understand things through your eyes, it's very possible that I'll never truly 'get it'.
So...even if it's just when we're laying here together, I don't want you to think you're defined by it. I get in bed with James Bucky Barnes because I enjoy being around him. I don't give a shit about your rank or weapons proficiency or whatever stats would go on a trading card.
[It's arguably the most affectionate way 'I don't give a shit' can be stated.]
Er, but since it's related and they're literally right in front of me, I do have one teeny tiny World War II curiosity.
A-Are these your original dogtags or were they re-issued?
[Surely that one couldn't be pain-inducing? Well, she hoped.]
but combine that with a poor self-view and he's a little surprised that someone could have more than two questions about him. ]
Steve had them remade.
[ taking his dog tags between his fingers, he lets out a small exhale. ]
I was wearing my original tags when I fell. Hydra most likely took them and probably destroyed them. I never got them back.
[ best way to ensure their memory wiping worked: remove everything that could trigger his memories. ]
[Well, she had hoped and she'd been wrong. She listens, then after a moment gently rests her hand alongside his which is holding his dog tags. A very light touch, hoping to offer some sort of comfort, though she feels like she'll mess that up, too.]
I'm sorry they took so much from you, Bucky. I really am. [She hopes he doesn't tell her not to apologize for it] ...I can still be sorry that something happened, even if I had nothing to do with it.
[She's quiet for a moment, wondering if she ought to say what's on her mind.] They didn't destroy you, though. In the end. You're still here and they're not.
[She wonders if Steve Rogers had been trying to tell him that. But she's not going to speculate this time; the only one in this bed who knows Steve Rogers is the man with the remade dog tags]
he does swallow the "why are you saying sorry?" as she's accurately read his mind. he pulls a smile and makes a small noise in the back of his throat—something that's more dismissive of himself than anything else. ] I don't know about that.
[ that's not fair to himself and he knows it. a ripped apart house can be rebuilt, all it takes is time. ]
Ask me something else. [ this time when he smiles all close-lipped, it's not overly forced. ] You've got a couple of questions left before I take over as the questioner again.
[She glances up at him. She means that. Maybe more than he wants to hear. But it's there.]
...Okay. If you say so.
[She seriously considers throwing him a hard question of a different tone, but she opts for a softer toss.]
What was it like living in Wakanda?